The Myth of “Falling Out of Love” — What’s Really Happening?

You’ve probably heard it before — maybe even said it yourself: “I think we’re just falling out of love.”
But what if I told you that “falling out of love” is more myth than truth?

In my years of marriage coaching, I’ve seen this phrase surface not because love disappeared, but because something else was missing — attention, connection, communication, or even the time to nurture the love that’s still very much alive.

Let’s break it down.

Love Doesn’t Just Vanish — It Gets Buried

Real love — especially the kind rooted in covenant — doesn’t evaporate like morning dew. It gets buried under the weight of busyness, unresolved conflict, unmet expectations, and emotional distance. When couples say they’ve “fallen out of love,” what they often mean is:

• “We’ve stopped being intentional.”

• “We’ve replaced connection with routine.”

• “We’ve let life crowd out our intimacy.”

It’s not that the love is gone. It’s that it hasn’t been watered.

Feelings Fade — But Love Is More Than Feelings

If love were just a feeling, we’d all be in serious trouble. Emotions fluctuate. Life gets hard. And when stress, parenting, work, and past wounds enter the picture, those fluttery feelings can feel like a distant memory.

But love — the real kind — is a choice, a commitment, and a practice.

The couples who thrive don’t always feel in love. They choose to act in love, even when it’s tough. That’s where intimacy deepens and passion reignites.

So What’s Really Happening?

Here’s what might be going on instead of “falling out of love”:

• You’re disconnected emotionally or spiritually

• You’re stuck in a cycle of unmet needs

• You’ve lost sight of your “why” as a couple

• You’ve stopped dating each other

• You’ve forgotten how to fight for one another instead of with one another

And here’s the good news: all of these things are fixable. Love can be restored. Passion can be revived. But it starts with recognizing that “falling out of love” is often a wake-up call — not a dead end.

What You Can Do Today

If this resonates with you, here are 3 steps to begin the journey back:

1. Get curious, not critical. Ask your spouse open-ended questions like, “What’s been weighing on your heart lately?”

2. Make one intentional move. A kind text. A 10-minute check-in. A spontaneous compliment. Small shifts create connection.

3. Consider coaching. Sometimes you need a guide to help you see the path forward — and that’s where I’d love to come in.

You Haven’t Fallen Out of Love — You’re Being Invited Back In

If you’ve been believing the myth, take heart. Love hasn’t left you — it’s waiting to be pursued again.

Let’s go get it.